one- (propaganda)

my favorite joke

so anyway, there's this young married couple who go to this super ritzy golf course. both sides of the fairway have huge posh mansions just a few yards from the course itself. the young woman tees off and slices badly towards one of the larger homes. the couple winces as they hear the ball go through a window and then shatter something else within the house. the couple marches up to the home to apologize but nobody answers the door. they find it open and upon going to the front room they find a broken vase at the foot of a man sitting on the couch. "thank you so much," said the man. "i'm a genie. i've been trapped in that old vase for over five thousand years. i will now grant the two of you three wishes!" the young couple huddled for a minute and then the man said to the genie, "we want a billion dollars!" the genie then said, "granted! you'll have a check in your mailbox when you go home. what is your next wish?" the woman then said, "we want to live forever!" "granted!" said the genie. "you will never taste of death! what is your next wish?" the man said, "we want eternal youth!" "Granted!" said the genie. "not only will you never die, but you won't age another day!... now... i've given you what you most desire. is there a chance you can do me a favor in return?" the man said, "sure genie we'd love to pay you back!" "well," said the genie, "it's been over five thousand years since i've been with a woman and i was wondering if i could borrow your wife for about an hour." the young couple again huddled and in the end the woman decided that it would be a small price to pay for all their fortune. "sure, i'll do it," she said. so the young woman and the genie went upstairs and had all manner of fun which we won't discuss here. an hour later the two of them were getting ready to meet the man back downstairs and the genie asked, "say, how old is your husband anyway?" the girl responded, "idunnoabout thirty, why?" the genie then laughed and said, "the guy's thirty years old and he still believes in genies!"

from within the bubble	(taken from byu newsnet)	contact
The members of my family haven't always been stereotypical white Mormons from Provo. Before 1847 I'm pretty sure the Madsens lived somewhere else. My grandmother on my mom's side actually spent her first few weeks of infancy in the colonies in Mexico. Because of this I claim that I'm one quarter Mexican. Other than that, my heritage comes mostly from Scandinavia and the British Isles. My ancestors from both sides of my family were pioneers as well as polygamists (and I'm talkin' polygamists from before the manifesto, not new-wave polygamists which are so popular today).	graphic by denise plant	i hate the movie contact. most people love how it ends leaving things open about the origin of life in the universe. i call it a big c o p - o u t. matthew mcconaughey's character was supposed to be the national expert on spirituality, but he seemed like just a big slacker who everyone somehow identified with. the picture makes organized religion look like a bunch of crazed hicks. they obviously alluded that the weirdo who sabotaged the contact device was a mormon. there was also this blind guy who was put into the movie to show a sort of inspirational hope. all of the sudden the blind guy loses his hope for like ten semi-dramatic seconds. jodie foster's character bags on religion cuz she can't believe in what she can't see, but her whole search is based on her unfounded theory that she can somehow find her dead father. and then there's jodie foster herself. how i despise her. i didn't realize that she bugged me until i watched this movie. i hate how she speaks, i hate how she breathes, i hate how she opens her mouth when she gasps. people go on and on about how good of an actress she is, but anybody that intolerable on screen isn't that great in my book.